Humor

Recently, I’ve started trying to write humor. I have a couple of samples below, but I I also have humor pieces on my humor blog.

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You Might Be a Christian If…

• You take your singing act to the nursing home instead of American Idol.
• You launder and repair clothing donations for the local mission store before donating them.
• Your latest tailgate party consisted of serving crockpot stew out of the back of your van to ice storm victims.
• You spend Sunday afternoon visiting the jail with your church group instead of watching the game.
• You feel guilty about buying generic brands for charity while buying brand names for yourself.
• You go on a mission trip instead of taking a spring break (cruise, road trip).
• You get cash at the ATM to give the homeless person you just passed on the street.
• You forego buying a new coat so you can buy coats for the local Coats for Kids drive.
• You buy pastries from the missions bake sale although you are a diabetic.
• Your yard sale proceeds go to charity instead of enhancing your cash flow.
• You regularly make extra soup or casserole for folks on the church shut-in list.
• You always drop some cash in the red kettle when you encounter those Salvation Army folks ringing their bells on the street.
• You get your exercise doing service projects at church (senior center, community club) rather than at the health club.
• You invite the Fedex (UPS, USPS) delivery person in for coffee.
• You collect magazines, devotional materials, and Bibles for the prison ministry.
• You drive around neighborhoods where the power is out inviting people to come home with you.
• Your weekly “party time” is your delivery run for Meals on Wheels.
• Your doorbell rings often because you end your conversations with “y’all come” (or end your text messages with “YC”).

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Where Is Messiah? Really?

A few years back, our pastor devised a skit on the story of Simeon (Luke 2:25-35). A church member and her new baby were to play Mary and the Baby Jesus. Another member played Joseph, while the pastor played Simeon.

The “holy family” was to go through the basement under the sanctuary to enter from the back door when the spotlight turned in that direction. The spotlight would follow them from down the aisle to meet Simeon on the dais. The cue for the spotlight would be when the pastor said, “Where is Messiah?”

Wouldn’t you know, the basement lights were off? The Baby Jesus and his escorts had to hunt for the light switch before making their way through the basement area, up the stairs, and into their place at the back of the sanctuary.

Simeon recited his scripted speech in his best preacher voice. Then, he intoned, “Where is Messiah?” The spotlight appeared on cue. No one was there.

Simeon ad-libbed, “Oh, Lord, I am an old man. I’ve waited soooo long for Messiah! Surely the time is now. WHERE IS MESSIAH?” Still nothing. After a couple of more ad-libs, finally Baby Jesus and his entourage appeared in the spotlight.

Simeon exclaimed, “Thank you, Lord. Messiah is here!” While some were trying to stifle their giggles, the rest of the audience was thanking the Lord on the pastor’s behalf.

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